Za porodicu i prijatelje

Rest In Peace, my baby that would never be a big girl

BecHa — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 10:03:00 GMT

Olivia would have been 4 years old today. She would have been starting with school this week. Time flies. Time heals. But I still cry when I think of her in these moments: when I imagine that I would bring three kids to school this morning, and not two; when Alisa and Charlie make drawings of her and for her.

I am grateful for having Olivia in my life, in our lives: as a memory, as a presence, as a lesson, as a reminder: life is short. Live it. Love it.

She taught me that death is part of life.

She taught me that pain is real, missing hurts, sadness exists - and they are all bearable. These feelings are here to deal with them, to go through them, and to get over them. Stronger. And able to enjoy again: life. Passionately! Love. Pleasures. Joys.

She taught me to be strong. When I get stuck, I think: I have survived losing my baby, I can deal with anything! And I think: what would that Vesna do, Vesna that made all those promises to live fully and love honestly and be brave...... And I still make mistakes, and I still need to re-learn the same lesson over and over again, but there is progress, there is happiness and bliss, there is ecstasy and peace. Sometimes ;-)

I am grateful to my loved ones, who helped me through these years: I am always with you, in love and in pain. Thank you for sharing, for tears and for laughs, for body and for soul. You are always in my heart. You know who you are.

Parenting training: Theory

BecHa — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:03:00 GMT

I am following parenting training for few months now: "Gordon Method" Parent Effectiveness Training (here is the main web site ).

I love it! It is in Dutch, so my Dutch is improving, and it is the exact way of learning "positive Dutch" that I have wished to do some years ago, but could not find a way; it is with a group of parents, and it helps to compare my own situation & "problems" with the problems of others, and to see that it is "normal" to have those, that everyone has the same (going to sleep // getting to school in time // getting dressed // eating together // fighting...).

The main benefits I got from the course by now are -- to be more relaxed and less demanding from children (and myself); to enjoy my time with children more; and to re-evaluate many many things about myself.

Another good thing is that I already learned a lot about it from other similar techniques:

"7 habits..." - of highly effective people (my interpretation) & - of highly effective families.
"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk"
Optimistic Child
Parenting for Everyone
Buddhism for Mothers
.. and here is their own comparison to other techniques .

As "democratic" parenting, this is already a big step for me, coming from the "autocratic" background, but there is the next step - respectful or reciprocal parenting, as in my favorite book "Your Competent Child" by Jesper Juul

It is also translated to: Hrvatski / Srpski (Vase kompetentno d(ij)ete), Dutch, and Spanish ( Los valores para la familia hoy & Su hijo, una persona competente. Hacia los nuevos valores basicos de la familia).

Juul proposes that relationships are [based] "... on dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. Children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. It is parents who must work to listen to and learn from their children. When our children's behavior makes us feel less than valuable, then it is almost always because we are. That is, prior to a conflict, we were unable to convert our loving feelings into loving behavior, our good intentions into fruitful interaction."

Even the mainstream media pick up something from Gordon-like teaching: article

The most recent lesson we had was about "conflict resolution", and here is the funny video from TEDxAMS (You Tube), and here is the view of the book: GRRR by Aernoud Boudrez.

Still, this wise saying is true:
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
But, in practice, there is."

My next post will be more about practice (I hope).

Idemo na more! // We are going on a summer holiday...

BecHa — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:56:00 GMT

Tomorrow starts our first big summer adventure: visiting Croatia!

On Monday we (*) fly to Zagreb, where Nikolina and her family will welcome us. Then we'll stay for 10 days on Rab, a beautiful little island in the Adriatic Sea ("the pioneer of naturism on the Adriatic"). On the way back we'll visit our grandfather's house in Lika, and Plitvice Lakes.

Six grown-ups and six children, and one more on the way, for 14 days together! That will be exciting, busy and warm. I am looking forward to a lot of rest and relaxation, Sea and Sun (and Sex), together with the regular job of taking care of the children: meals, washing, putting to sleep, tidy-ing up...

For the initial visual tasting, some links: pictures and description of our vacation house (in German), tourist info about Rab, and Plitvicka Jezera / Lakes.

(*) "We" are: Alisa, Charlie, Angel & me; Nana (+beba), Thijmen, Iris; Nina, Vedran, Kaja, Jura i Nik.

Alisa's 6th Birthday Party

BecHa — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 23:46:00 GMT

It was a very nice day -- it was great to celebrate Alisa's birthday with her friends, and my family, and Angel. Here are some photos on Facebook. I'm too tired to write more...

I'm glad we all made it into such a wonderful celebration - THANK YOU!

It's Wednesday. It's Business Time.

BecHa — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:30:00 GMT

Quote of the year: Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.
"Business Time", Flight Of The Conchords:

 Aww yeah
That`s right baby.
Girl, tonight we`re gonna make love. 
You know how I know, baby? 
`Cause it`s Wednesday. 
And Wednesday night is the night that we make love. 
Tuesday night`s the night that we go and visit your mother, 
but Wednesday night is the night that we make love. 
`Cause everything is just right 
conditions are perfect. 
There`s nothing good on TV. 
Conditions are perfect. 
You lean in close 
and say something sexy like, 
"I might go to bed I`ve got work in the morning." 
I know what you`re trying to say baby. 
You`re trying to say, "Oh, yeah. It`s business time. 
It`s business time."

It`s business.
It`s business time.
That`s what you`re trying to say you`re trying to say let`s get down to business 
it`s business time.

It`s business.
It`s business time.
Next thing you know we`re in the bathroom brushing our teeth. 
That`s all part of it, that`s foreplay. 
Then you go sort out the recycling. That`s not part of it but it`s still very important. 
Then we`re in the bedroom. You`re wearing that ugly old baggy t-shirt 
from that team building exercise you did for your old work. 
And it`s never looked better on you.

Oh, team building exercise `99.

Oh, you don`t know what you`re doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them `cause I still got my shoes on. 
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I`m down to just my socks 
and you know when I`m down to just my socks what time it is?
it`s time for business. It`s business time.

It`s business.
It`s business time.
You know when I`m down to just my socks it`s time for business 
that`s why they call it business socks.

It`s business.
It`s business time.
Oh.
Ooh, makin` love.
Makin` love for two.
Makin` love for two minutes.
When it`s with me you only need two minutes, `cause I`m so intense. 
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven. 
You say something like, "Is that it?" 
I know what you`re trying to say. 
You`re trying to say, "Aww yeah, that`s it." 
Then you tell me you want some more. 
Well I`m not surprised. 
But I`m quite sleepy.

It`s business.
It`s business time.
Business hours are over. Right, right.

It`s business.
It`s business time.

Alternative video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhN93rFZuJs

I am missing our love, my darling / Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila

BecHa — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 23:09:00 GMT

I am crying over and over when listening to this song... about past loves, about new love... It works wonders: stays in my head, and opens up those old wells of tears. Translated by me, with the help of Bee.

I am missing our love, my darling 

On the pillow 
I'm awake on the midnight guard 
like an old, exhausted warrior,
that only gets 
one coin of Moon gold 
out of all the treasures of the skies. 

Under the armor, the timid deer is trembling,
forever hunted by the dark shadows of fear,
she is afraid,
even on the very peaceful slopes of dreams. 

I am missing our love, my darling,
without it life is crumbling away.
I am missing you, the way you were, 
I am missing too, the crazy me. 

I know that Time does not like any heroes
I know that it has soiled all the shrines
but as for me, not a thing, 
except the two of us,
was ever good enough. 

When I look for the road to the middle of myself
the paths are becoming tighter and tighter. 
And then I hide in the shelter of your ear
like I'm an earring of double-cherries.

But I stop / myself / telling you once more
that I love you in the very Russian way - 
what the words are - the flint that wears off 
eventually. 

I am missing our love, darling,
without it, this wolf is changing his mood
I am missing you, the way you were, 
I am missing too, the crazy me. 

I know that Time is changing all the colors
I know that it has darkened many shines 
but as for me, not a thing, 
except the two of us,
did ever matter at all. 

Once in a while, into my felt hat
you drop a smile like a magical coin.
then I'm myself
because whatever they call me
I am only your personal clown. 

Once in a while, the tears smear the ink ,
one wall of the labyrinth  falls like a domino, 
so simply, once in a while,
we arrive back to ourselves. 

I am missing our love, my darling,
without it, my veins are creeping with a chill
I am missing you, the way you were, 
I am missing too, the crazy me.

I know that Time takes whatever it pleases
and I don't know why it would spare us two,
but as for me, not a thing, 
except the two of us,
was ever worth anything.

Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila

Na jastuku bdim na ponocnoj strazi
kao stari posustali ratnik
kom svaki put od riznice neba
jedva zapadne mesecev zlatnik

pod oklopom drhti kosuta plaha
vecno gonjena tamnim obrisima straha
koja strepi i od mirnih obronaka sna

Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
bez nje se zivot kruni uzalud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud

ja znam da vreme ne voli heroje
i da je svaki hram ukaljalo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas
dvoje nije valjalo

Kad potrazim put u srediste sebe
staze bivaju tesnje i tesnje
i skrijem se u zaklon tvog uha
kao mindjusa od duple tresnje

al' uspevam da jos jednom odolim
da prosapucem da te nocas ruski volim
sto su reci, kremen sto se izlize
kad tad

Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
a bez nje ovaj kurjak menja cud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud

ja znam da vreme svemu menja boje
i da je silan sjaj pomracilo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas dvoje
nije znacilo

Ponekad jos u moj filcani sesir
spustis osmeh ko carobni cekin
i tad sam svoj
jer ma kako me zvali
ja sam samo tvoj licni harlekin

ponekad jos suza razmaze tintu
i ko domina padne zid u lavirintu
tako prosto, ponekad jos
stignemo do nas

Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
bez nje uz moje vene puze stud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud

ja znam da vreme uvek uzme svoje
i ne znam sto bi nas postedelo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas dvoje
nije vredelo

by Djordje Balasevic; YouTube video

Happy New Year, happy new house

BecHa — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 19:07:00 GMT

That's done: a small, symbolic celebration of the years "exchange", in my new house, with my children.

Typically, it was not all according to the plan: the house is not ready for living nor party-ing, so we had dinner in our old place, and we had guests who helped out: Baba & Deda from Serbia; and Iris, Nana's daughter.

The photos are here.

Srecna Nova Godina! Srecan Novi Dom :-)

Ukroc'ena Goropad

BecHa — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 23:59:00 GMT

Naravno, petak je - dan za dobre i velike vesti!

Napokon! Nakon 20 godina, moja plodnost je napokon ukroc'ena -- danas mi je doktorka potvrdila da se moja spirala primila, i da narednih sedam godina necu imati menstruaciju (takodje dobra vest), i da je to sada siguran nacin da ne napravim jos dece, ako to ne planiram ili ne zelim (a niti planiram niti zelim).

Ostale novosti nisu tako dobre ni velike: potpisivanje zavrsnog ugovora za moju novu kucu je odlozeno za sledecu nedelju; i jos sam pala i povredila zglavak na nozi pa sad ne mogu dobro (ili uopste) da hodam (ni da vozim biciklo, sto je jos vaznije!). Ali, strpljenja, s vremenom ce sve biti bolje...

Big Girl (You are beautiful)

BecHa — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:13:00 GMT

I'm living through some "interesting times" last few days, full of opposite emotions: joy & sadness, happiness & regret, ecstasy & despair, but all off them highlighted with honesty. The best way to describe those emotions to others, for me, is though the music I'm listening and sharing:

What I like to feel and think about myself now is "Big Girl (You are beautiful)", but part of the time I also feel very "Wrong".

Time after time: caught up in circles, confusion is nothing new... but, then there's sprit of the 80's: Smiths: Oh, there is a light and it never goes out .

Fear and Love by Morcheeba.

And for a bike-ride in the park: cheerfulness (Poslednja Igra Leptira: Slicuge) and passion (Laiko Felix playing violin).

Posetilac iz baste

BecHa — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 01:16:00 GMT

Kad sam veceras stigla kuci (malo posle ponoci), zacula sam neko trupkanje i videla jednu povecu priliku kako se odgegala iz kuhinje u sobu. Prvo sam pomislila da je jez, ali mi je to bilo previse cudno i premalo srashno. Onda sam pomislila da je pacov, no to mi je opet bilo suvishe gadno. Posle ovlashne pretrage (a sve sam se nadala da ga necu videti...) uz sva moguca svetla ukljucena, zakljucila sma da mora da je ipak bio obican mis, samo ga je moja mashta uvelicala.

Ali, posle par minuta sam ga opet videla! I prva pomisao jeste bila tacna - to jeste bio jez!

Uzela sam shtap i neku plasticnu kutiju iz bashte, i pokuplia ga - bio se zavukao ispod stola za kompjuter...

Mislim da je to onaj isti sto smo ga pokupili iz Vondel parka pre skoro godinu dana! I sve vreme je ziveo kod nas u bashti!!