Ginger

BecHa — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:44:00 GMT

Suzan Vega got it slightly wrong... It's not only those spices (caramel & cinnamon) - for me, it's the ginger.

It's the sharpnes and the strenght of ginger, the smell and pervasiveness of its powerful taste, versatile usage - for spicing up the food, for making tea, ale, beer & other drinks, massage, hot compress, pickles... And then there are sweets: chocolate, fudge, cookies, syrup... Aaaah :)

But, apart from missing ginger, this song is right for everything else: sadness, desire, longing, beginnings, and endings.

Video on Youtube

"Caramel", Suzan Vega

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.

It won't do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
how I would live with myself,
what I'd forgive of myself
if you don't go.

So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy...

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
what I would give of myself,
how I would live with myself
if you don't go.

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you.

The life goes on...

BecHa — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Today I was alone in the outside world - for the first time since Olivia's birth (and death).

It felt strange, and normal... except that I don't know any more what "normal" is, and that feeling is very, very scary....

I was going out every day for about a week now, but always with either only Camiel, or with everyone (kids, Nana, Mileva...). Today also, we were all together on the IJburgh with Peter & Tanja, but they brought me to the lecture, and after I took the tram on my own to get back home.

So, I went to the "Hortus Botanicus" for the lecture - and tasting - about chocolate! It was great! We heard about the history of usage, biology of the plant, geography & technology of production, and even political implications of the chocolate industry (fair-trade, slave-fee, etc). And we tried two different variety of beans, four different "strengths" of cocoa-content, made of the same bean (Ecuadorian), and three different chocolates of the same purity (64%) but made of the beans from different locations. At the end, we also got to taste some other products (ordinary chocolate cakes, pralines, and lesser things like that ;-)
I had to ask about the "advantages" of the organic chocolate, which actually do exist -- lots of pesticides are usually used on the cocoa plantations, and in the organic growth they are not used.

Getting back home was a big adventure for me - just catching the tram, and observing the ordinary people, and thinking about them -- do they look at me differently?? How can they just go on with their lives, when such a horrible thing has happened to me?? And when will I be able to go on with my life? And how will it look like - the rest of my life? I do not dare to think about the future, not a distant future like a year, but also not even a month, or a week ahead. I am only looking at each new day, and trying to cope with it, as it comes...

But is has been only 10 days since Olivia's funeral... And I am not even physically healed from the delivery, let alone emotionally... I am still making milk for her, and expressing it by hand, and I have to throw it away -- what a waste! What a symbolic action: the nature can not just stop in its track, I was preparing for the new life to join me for so long, and I am still not ready to accept that she is not with me... not on the hormonal, physiological level; and not on the emotional level either. Only on the highly rational level I have to admit that, in reality, indeed, she is not with us any more. And spiritually?? I have to say - I don't know. I don't dare to "think" about it.. nor to feel, nor to "reach" into those layers of myself.

Chocolate

Ginger

The life goes on...