Food

Ginger

BecHa — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 23:44:00 GMT

Suzan Vega got it slightly wrong... It's not only those spices (caramel & cinnamon) - for me, it's the ginger.

It's the sharpnes and the strenght of ginger, the smell and pervasiveness of its powerful taste, versatile usage - for spicing up the food, for making tea, ale, beer & other drinks, massage, hot compress, pickles... And then there are sweets: chocolate, fudge, cookies, syrup... Aaaah :)

But, apart from missing ginger, this song is right for everything else: sadness, desire, longing, beginnings, and endings.

Video on Youtube

"Caramel", Suzan Vega

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.

It won't do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
how I would live with myself,
what I'd forgive of myself
if you don't go.

So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy...

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
what I would give of myself,
how I would live with myself
if you don't go.

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you.

Holidays season 2009

BecHa — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 18:34:00 GMT

Mama-kenka

(a word-play of Mama + Manekenka (female mannequin in Serbian))

Last Saturday was a fashion show by the designers from the Ship of Fools , Robi & Viktor. I wanted to buy the dress, but then I offered to help out by modeling, and got myself into an adventure -- 3 rehearsals; an amazing venue; a performance by beautiful, tallented, shining people; lots of known faces from 10 years ago - Friends of Azart; and 3 dresses! See ( photos)

Charlie is 4!

On 16th December Charlie turned 4! Such a big, smart, pretty boy! He has also finished with the day-care, and started getting used to the "real" school, where he will go in January. It's with pleasure and pride that I see him growing up, and we celebrated twice: once in day-care, and again in his father's house -- but I am also said to say good-bye to his friends and teachers, and the place where he was for one a a half years; place where he has spent almost more time then at home :(

Xmass dinner(s) with NCC

Yet again, at the end of the year we are basked in wealth and luxury from my employer -- borrels, parties, presents, dinners... Nice opportunity to catch-up and relax with colleagues, and to wear pretty, elegant or unusual clothes. Thank you!

Next celebrations: xmass-eve in Madrid, with Angel's family; school holidays with children, chilling-out at home, and New-Years-Eve in Amsterdam. Till the next year -- I wish everyone health and happiness!

Thinking about my Olivia, my body, my house(s)

BecHa — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:27:00 GMT

Yesterday and the day before was 10-month anniversary of Olivia's death and birth. I was thinking, crying, singing, remembering and talking about her, a lot.

I was, and I am, staying in so many different houses these days, that it made me think about importance, or rather un-importance of the house as such - any house: in each one of them I will have some memories, hopes, fantasies, plans, joys, fears, loves... And in each one of them the only constant thing will be me, myself, I. So this it what I need to focus on - how to deal with myself; how to feel good with myself and about myself; how to find, arrange, decorate... not a house, but myself ;-)

And then, there is yet another metaphor, which is maybe stretching (sic!) it a bit: my body is a house of my ... Self? Soul? Spirit?

Recently, I had to re-think my relationship to my body: after three pregnancies and three child-births and two breast-feeding time-periods of a year each, I do not look like I used to remember myself. And I did not enjoy myself the way I used to. But now - I do, again! In a new way! As a MILF ;-) And with a help of my Angel :-)

Here is the web page that helped me a lot yesterday (hvala, Nano!) The Shape of a Mother. They have a section on child loss, but decide carefully if you want to read and look at those photos...

Happy birthday girl, in Bern, Switzerland

BecHa — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Today I turn 36. I celebrated (symbolically) by going away from "home", from Amsterdam - on a business trip, but also bringing my daughter and my mother with me - to Bern.

I find it very special to be the middle one in this chain of women: just a transition between my mother to my daughter. It makes me feel humble, and proud.

The travel in itself is a celebration: a journey, changing places, changing scenery, life as a movement, as a transition, without final destination, without arrival.

The nature is rejoicing, too: the autumn is in the full swing, the colors are just amazing, the woods are exploding with red, orange and yellows. It is wonderful to be able to see mountains again! Their tops reaching up, showing that there is another - vertical! - dimension to life, additional to the flatness of Holland. And the smells are different here, too: the evening is filled with the smell of roasted chestnuts, and the wood-fire, and the moist forests...

We celebrated additionally by having a dinner in a controversial little restaurant: "zum blauen Engel" (The blue angel - how symbolic is that?!)
It looked really shabby but very charming on the outside, modest and not pretentious (just as I like it) -- but it turned out to be quite sophisticated, even a bit posh, good-quality-food place, serving venison, and fancy designed dishes, along with superb wine.
The service was slow but thorough, kept surprising us with little treats, and when the main course finally arrived, it was well worth waiting! Delicious! Creative combination of flavors and textures! Mouth-watering tastes! Not quite orgasmic, but very enjoyable.

As for the presents: I got calls and messages from Angel, Nana, Boris P., Olivia & Paul W.; I got hugs from my mother, father, Alisa, Charlie & Camiel; email from Antony, Akos, Olja; maybe also some Facebook posts?! -- countless! I've just checked! :))) Thanks everyone!!

I got a card from Jim; I got a copy of "Little Price" in Bern dialect (thanks, Paolo!); I bought myself a notebook for the next diary, and some postcards; I "ordered" a house ;-) and maybe I'll make some more wishes before midnight... (such as "comeme el chichi" ;-)

I will probably make a party or two still, when I go back (there's always going back), and probably get more presents, hugs and messages -- but this specific day is not of such importance: I want to live every day as it is my birthday, and I'm getting there... I'm on that journey.

42 - the right number

BecHa — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 23:23:00 GMT

At the concert few days ago I was impressed with the big ladies: Goldfrapp and two of her girls from the band; black singer from Massive Attack.

It makes my 10 extra kilos from the pregnancy look less like a problem that I need to get rid off, and more like an addition in the right direction - a direction of being a "big mama", a very curvy, feminine, voluptuous, sexy lady.

Maybe the answer to the ultimate question of life, universe and everything meant that the size 42 is the right size for a women like me (instead of my previous size of 38: of the undernourished, anorexic, unhappy girl I used to be from time to time ;-)

The life goes on...

BecHa — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Today I was alone in the outside world - for the first time since Olivia's birth (and death).

It felt strange, and normal... except that I don't know any more what "normal" is, and that feeling is very, very scary....

I was going out every day for about a week now, but always with either only Camiel, or with everyone (kids, Nana, Mileva...). Today also, we were all together on the IJburgh with Peter & Tanja, but they brought me to the lecture, and after I took the tram on my own to get back home.

So, I went to the "Hortus Botanicus" for the lecture - and tasting - about chocolate! It was great! We heard about the history of usage, biology of the plant, geography & technology of production, and even political implications of the chocolate industry (fair-trade, slave-fee, etc). And we tried two different variety of beans, four different "strengths" of cocoa-content, made of the same bean (Ecuadorian), and three different chocolates of the same purity (64%) but made of the beans from different locations. At the end, we also got to taste some other products (ordinary chocolate cakes, pralines, and lesser things like that ;-)
I had to ask about the "advantages" of the organic chocolate, which actually do exist -- lots of pesticides are usually used on the cocoa plantations, and in the organic growth they are not used.

Getting back home was a big adventure for me - just catching the tram, and observing the ordinary people, and thinking about them -- do they look at me differently?? How can they just go on with their lives, when such a horrible thing has happened to me?? And when will I be able to go on with my life? And how will it look like - the rest of my life? I do not dare to think about the future, not a distant future like a year, but also not even a month, or a week ahead. I am only looking at each new day, and trying to cope with it, as it comes...

But is has been only 10 days since Olivia's funeral... And I am not even physically healed from the delivery, let alone emotionally... I am still making milk for her, and expressing it by hand, and I have to throw it away -- what a waste! What a symbolic action: the nature can not just stop in its track, I was preparing for the new life to join me for so long, and I am still not ready to accept that she is not with me... not on the hormonal, physiological level; and not on the emotional level either. Only on the highly rational level I have to admit that, in reality, indeed, she is not with us any more. And spiritually?? I have to say - I don't know. I don't dare to "think" about it.. nor to feel, nor to "reach" into those layers of myself.

Cooking workshop with the TS team

BecHa — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:22:00 GMT

I went to the "team outing" with the "Training Services Department" yesterday -- we learned how to make Spanish tapas! It was lot of fun, and great food! We didn't know that all of us are such good cooks ;-)

The workshop was done by a nice lady from the Keizer Culinair, we got the recipe books, aprons, tea, wine, and all the food that we cooked and could eat ;-)

Thanks to NCC for paying for it, to Rumy for organising it, and to TS for making it all so tasty! The occasion was not only the yearly team-building exercise, but also a sort-of good-bye party to Caz (who got a new job) and me (who will get a new baby) in about two weeks ...

And the hottest thing was that we got to use hand-held (gas) blow-torch to make "Crema Catalan" for desert -- to caramelize sugar on the top of the "pudding"!! Way cool!!

Health Food Junkies & Orthorexia Nervosa

BecHa — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 17:03:00 GMT

Some time ago I read the book called "When Food is Love", by Geneen Roth.

(I bought the book in Vienna, and the title attracted me because I think that both my mother (and father?) and Camiel tried/try to give me food as an expression of their love... and probably I'm doing it to my kids, too...)

But the book was about "emotional eating", and our unfulfilled emotions, and our relationship with food, as an illustration / reflection of our relationships with all kinds of other things: people, love, money, work, energy...

After reading it, I decided that I will love myself, and eat what I love to eat, and love what I eat, and will not wait until someone else gives me love and/or food...

Anyway, following the links from the web site of the author, I found out something else: a condition called Orthorexia Nervosa !!! (wikipedia): an obsession with healthy or rightful or righteous eating.

I think I had that for many years, but that I got out of it. And I'm afraid Camiel is still having that condition (it happens a lot with raw-food people, vegan and macrobiotic people...). The problem with this "eating disorder" is that it can become dangerous for the physical health, apart from the influencing social life and emotional states... And what's even worse is when it's mixed with raising children... So, I am trying to do soemthing about it, but it's a slow and uncharted process...

The term itself (orthorexia)was introduced in 1997 by Steven Bratman, the author of the book "Health Food Junkies" (amazon). I bought it, and I'm reading it slowly.

There are also several good and interesting articles about orthorexia: here, here and here.

Just for the balance, I also bought "The China Study", too (amazon) -- a scientific proof of macrobiotic rules ;-)

I'll compare the two...

And as a Xmas treat & Xmas wish (I'd like to attend that workshop myself!), a link to the workshop called WHEN FOOD IS FOOD AND LOVE IS LOVE (Transforming the Heart and Soul of Emotional Eating).

The first day of RIPE 55 meeting

BecHa — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:37:00 GMT

It's that time of the year again - time to cycle to Krasnapolsky every morning, finally answer all the email from last month, hear some interesting talks, get stuffed silly with excellent food and even better deserts, and see many old friends: in no particular order: Jogi & Reni (!!!) , Antony, Geza, Jim Reid, Tom Vest, Gordon, Carsten Leo, Shane, Niall Murphy, other Niall, Niels, Danielle Arena, Manfredo, Dave Knight, Olaf... and some new ones: Ingrid, (... I'm sorry if I missed someone, they will show up in my memory tomorrow; now I have to rush to publish this, and go to the social ;-)

ps I also got some "dangerous foods stuff" presents: from Gordon & from Jim :)