Friday, November 20, 2009
#
I am following parenting training for few months now: "Gordon Method"
Parent Effectiveness Training
(here is the
main web site
).
I love it! It is in Dutch, so my Dutch is improving, and it is the exact way of learning "positive Dutch" that I have wished to do some years ago, but could not find a way; it is with a group of parents, and it helps to compare my own situation & "problems" with the problems of others, and to see that it is "normal" to have those, that everyone has the same (going to sleep // getting to school in time // getting dressed // eating together // fighting...).
The main benefits I got from the course by now are -- to be more relaxed and less demanding from children (and myself); to enjoy my time with children more; and to re-evaluate many many things about myself.
Another good thing is that I already learned a lot about it from other similar techniques:
As "democratic" parenting, this is already a big step for me, coming from the "autocratic" background, but there is the next step - respectful or reciprocal parenting, as in my favorite book
"Your Competent Child" by
Jesper Juul
It is also translated to:
Hrvatski / Srpski (Vase kompetentno d(ij)ete),
Dutch,
and
Spanish (
Los valores para la familia hoy &
Su hijo, una persona competente. Hacia los nuevos valores basicos de la familia).
Juul proposes that relationships are [based] "... on dignity and reciprocity between parent and child. Children are competent to express their feelings from birth, and they are eager to cooperate. It is parents who must work to listen to and learn from their children. When our children's behavior makes us feel less than valuable, then it is almost always because we are. That is, prior to a conflict, we were unable to convert our loving feelings into loving behavior, our good intentions into fruitful interaction."
Even the mainstream media pick up something from Gordon-like teaching:
article
The most recent lesson we had was about
"conflict resolution", and here is the funny video from TEDxAMS
(You Tube), and here is the view of the book:
GRRR by Aernoud Boudrez.
Still, this wise saying is true:
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
But, in practice, there is."
My next post will be more about practice (I hope).
Saturday, August 15, 2009
#
The history repeats itself... every 4 years, to be precise ;-)
After Hacking In Progress '97, Hacking At Large 2001, What The Hack 2005 9and few CCCs in between), it's time for yet another hackers camping event:
Hacking at Random.
It is
again a brilliant, beautiful happening, full of smart people, inspiring lectures, old friends, new ideas, nature and Internet - a perfect combination!
Angel and me are staying in the tent in the Family Village, altho we came without children.
I gave a talk yesterday about:
IPv6. It was good, but I'm happy it's over. I also got a T-shirt from Marco from xs4all (photo credits: Ruben)
Thursday, July 30, 2009
#
Today is the last day of the IETF meeting for me - but not the end of my visit to Stockholm! I'll be giving a course tomorrow, then sight-seeing with Angel in the weekend.
The meeting itself was great - very well organised, with plenty and good social events, good wireless connectivity, large venue, sound & presentations equipment professional, good position among restaurants for choosing lunch; huge participation, interesting presentations...
I met lots of people that also come to the RIPE meetings, and I got to know few new one. I got a lot of new ideas - I can only hope I will have time to make something of them. And if I'm very good and very quick with it, maybe I get sent to the next one - in Hiroshima!
www.ietf75.se
Sunday, July 05, 2009
#
Tomorrow starts our first big summer adventure: visiting Croatia!
On Monday we (*) fly to Zagreb, where Nikolina and her family will welcome us. Then we'll stay for 10 days on Rab, a beautiful little island in the Adriatic Sea ("the pioneer of naturism on the Adriatic"). On the way back we'll visit our grandfather's house in Lika, and Plitvice Lakes.
Six grown-ups and six children, and one more on the way, for 14 days together! That will be exciting, busy and warm. I am looking forward to a lot of rest and relaxation, Sea and Sun (and Sex), together with the regular job of taking care of the children: meals, washing, putting to sleep, tidy-ing up...
For the initial visual tasting, some links:
pictures and description of our vacation house (in German),
tourist info about Rab, and
Plitvicka Jezera / Lakes.
(*) "We" are: Alisa, Charlie, Angel & me; Nana (+beba), Thijmen, Iris; Nina, Vedran, Kaja, Jura i Nik.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
#
It was a very nice day -- it was great to celebrate Alisa's birthday with her friends, and my family, and Angel. Here are some
photos on Facebook. I'm too tired to write more...
I'm glad we all made it into such a wonderful celebration - THANK YOU!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
#
What a big surprise! Totally unexpected, althou I should have seen it coming... the city is full of commercials for the presents one should buy for "Moedersdag" ... somehow, I thought that does not include me. Well, for the first time in my life, this year, I got my children to acknowledge me as their mother ;-) I'm so proud of them!
The kids already brought the presents with them on Friday evening - drawings they made in the daycare - with strict instructions to NOT open them till Sunday. When I asked them what shall we do for the "moederdag", after a while we came up, mostly based on Alisa's ideas, that
they will make me a breakfast on Sunday, and bring it to bed. We agreed they have to make something that does no involve cooking - so, sandwich, no tea.
So I prepared it a bit for them: I left the sliced bread where they can reach it, and the small bottle of fruit juice. They found a plate and a cup in the dishwasher. And indeed, at 7:30, they brought it to me to bed - bread with cheese spread, and cup of juice. Absolutely wonderful! They were so sweet, with their presents, and proud of our reverse roles, and being so grown-up and responsible, making a breakfast by themselves!
It didn't come as a
complete surprise, thou, because Charlie was in my bed already at 6:30; I had to get up ad instruct Iris (my niece who slept over) and him to quietly play in the living room while Alisa and me sleep a bit longer; and from 7 onwards Charlie was coming every 5 minutes to inform me of the progress ;-)
The rest of the day was nice too -- three of them were (mostly) playing nicely together, building huts from unfinished furniture, and cloth; I made them breakfast, too, and while we were having a second breakfast, KC and Tim came to visit, joined a bit with eating, then went with us to the little playground just in front. After they both tried the "bakfiets" (transport bike), we walked with them a bit in the direction of Vondelpark, then went to another playground, waited for Nana and Thijmen, then cycled together to Amsterdamse Bos to have a picnic - in the sun! Ah - it was warm, the grass soft, and them playing by themselves ;-) We were also tossing and tickling each other for a while, laughing like mad :-D
Saturday was great, also: we did all the things they (or, Alisa) wanted: had pancakes for breakfast; went to the swimming pool; then with Nana and Iris to two playgrounds in Vondelpark, including the "springkussen" (bouncy castle), and a long chat with Johnny and Dragana, parents of one kid from Charlie's creche. I didn't do much in the house -- in fact, nothing: Nana did the shopping for bread and carrots; I had some food already from before, bought by Angel; the only thing I did was cooking dinner, putting them to sleep & cleaning-up afterwards.
All in all, a very satisfactory weekend. I was quite scared before it started, what with being tired from a week of RIPE meeting, Angel being in Madrid, and me not seeing kids for quite a while already -- but it was fun, more then I could imagine.
And I am still doing OK, although the crazy week is ahead: trip to Madrid early in the morning; giving a talk there in the afternoon; course the whole day Tuesday, theatre & dinner; flying back early on Wednesday, picking up kids from school & creche, dance school, cooking dinner... then work again! (maybe only Friday, but maybe not...). But -- I am grateful that I am at least healthy, and strong, and still happy and in love :-)
Friday, May 08, 2009
#
For a year now I've been very enthusiastic about IPv6, and often frustrated with the lack of deployment and support for it around me.
The interest that I have in IPv6 borders on obsession: I see it as a crusade. Of course, my balanced personality makes it impossible to go for it 100%, so I also do other things in life... and that slowed down my progress in advocating and adopting IPv6 myself.
I've been giving several talks all over the place in order to promote and inform about IPv6 (as part of my work, but also because I've ben pushing for it):
and soon:
I also started a project called, in my words, "IPv6 catapult", inside my company, but it was tamed and organized and streamlined since. Probably got more result, but lost a bit on the passion side.
And, finally, I approached someone-that-I-know within Xs4all, shamelessly mixing private and professional connections, and told him I'm interested in testing IPv6 at home, as an End User. I got lucky -- they were just setting up the test-bed, and I jumped in (figuratively speaking ;-)
So, on Tuesday, 5-5-09, in the middle of the RIPE meeting, I picked up my brand-new modem (Fritz.box 7272 with a special beta-relase upgrade) that was shipped to me (to the office address); I installed it on Wednesday evening, and by Thursday afternoon IPv6 was up and running!
Marco announced on the RIPE meeting on Tuesday that they now have the first paying customer on IPv6 - and that was Olaf. I do not like being "second" or "number two", I prefer thinking of myself as the
first female native-IPv6 user.
So now I must make some new geeky T-shirts, with these slogans:
- Alexlh: "At this moment, 50% of xs4all's IPv6 customers are female"
- Marco: "All this, and native IPv6"
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
#
Quote of the year: Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.
"Business Time", Flight Of The Conchords:
Aww yeah
That`s right baby.
Girl, tonight we`re gonna make love.
You know how I know, baby?
`Cause it`s Wednesday.
And Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
Tuesday night`s the night that we go and visit your mother,
but Wednesday night is the night that we make love.
`Cause everything is just right
conditions are perfect.
There`s nothing good on TV.
Conditions are perfect.
You lean in close
and say something sexy like,
"I might go to bed I`ve got work in the morning."
I know what you`re trying to say baby.
You`re trying to say, "Oh, yeah. It`s business time.
It`s business time."
It`s business.
It`s business time.
That`s what you`re trying to say you`re trying to say let`s get down to business
it`s business time.
It`s business.
It`s business time.
Next thing you know we`re in the bathroom brushing our teeth.
That`s all part of it, that`s foreplay.
Then you go sort out the recycling. That`s not part of it but it`s still very important.
Then we`re in the bedroom. You`re wearing that ugly old baggy t-shirt
from that team building exercise you did for your old work.
And it`s never looked better on you.
Oh, team building exercise `99.
Oh, you don`t know what you`re doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them `cause I still got my shoes on.
But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I`m down to just my socks
and you know when I`m down to just my socks what time it is?
it`s time for business. It`s business time.
It`s business.
It`s business time.
You know when I`m down to just my socks it`s time for business
that`s why they call it business socks.
It`s business.
It`s business time.
Oh.
Ooh, makin` love.
Makin` love for two.
Makin` love for two minutes.
When it`s with me you only need two minutes, `cause I`m so intense.
Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.
You say something like, "Is that it?"
I know what you`re trying to say.
You`re trying to say, "Aww yeah, that`s it."
Then you tell me you want some more.
Well I`m not surprised.
But I`m quite sleepy.
It`s business.
It`s business time.
Business hours are over. Right, right.
It`s business.
It`s business time.
Alternative video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhN93rFZuJs
Monday, May 04, 2009
#
Friday, March 06, 2009
#
Is "Happy Parenting" an oxymoron (a contradiction-in-terms)?? Is it a good final goal, un-achievable but worth striving to? Or can it be day-to-day reality?
I am reading, re-reading and sweating over these books recently:
"Liberated Parents / Liberated Children" (Your Guide to a Happier Family)
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish &
"How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk"
(You can stop fighting with your children! )
by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
This is their promise:
"Find out how the mood in your home can change when you respond:
- To feelings
- + "A scratch can hurt."
- - Instead of, "Stop crying. It's only a scratch"
- To mishaps
- + "The milk spilled. We need a sponge."
- - Instead of, " Now look what you did!"
- To misbehavior
- + "Walls are not for writing on. Paper is for writing on."
- - Instead of, "Bad boy! No more crayons for you!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
#
I am crying over and over when listening to this song... about past loves, about new love... It works wonders: stays in my head, and opens up those old wells of tears. Translated by me, with the help of Bee.
I am missing our love, my darling
On the pillow
I'm awake on the midnight guard
like an old, exhausted warrior,
that only gets
one coin of Moon gold
out of all the treasures of the skies.
Under the armor, the timid deer is trembling,
forever hunted by the dark shadows of fear,
she is afraid,
even on the very peaceful slopes of dreams.
I am missing our love, my darling,
without it life is crumbling away.
I am missing you, the way you were,
I am missing too, the crazy me.
I know that Time does not like any heroes
I know that it has soiled all the shrines
but as for me, not a thing,
except the two of us,
was ever good enough.
When I look for the road to the middle of myself
the paths are becoming tighter and tighter.
And then I hide in the shelter of your ear
like I'm an earring of double-cherries.
But I stop / myself / telling you once more
that I love you in the very Russian way -
what the words are - the flint that wears off
eventually.
I am missing our love, darling,
without it, this wolf is changing his mood
I am missing you, the way you were,
I am missing too, the crazy me.
I know that Time is changing all the colors
I know that it has darkened many shines
but as for me, not a thing,
except the two of us,
did ever matter at all.
Once in a while, into my felt hat
you drop a smile like a magical coin.
then I'm myself
because whatever they call me
I am only your personal clown.
Once in a while, the tears smear the ink ,
one wall of the labyrinth falls like a domino,
so simply, once in a while,
we arrive back to ourselves.
I am missing our love, my darling,
without it, my veins are creeping with a chill
I am missing you, the way you were,
I am missing too, the crazy me.
I know that Time takes whatever it pleases
and I don't know why it would spare us two,
but as for me, not a thing,
except the two of us,
was ever worth anything.
|
Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
Na jastuku bdim na ponocnoj strazi
kao stari posustali ratnik
kom svaki put od riznice neba
jedva zapadne mesecev zlatnik
pod oklopom drhti kosuta plaha
vecno gonjena tamnim obrisima straha
koja strepi i od mirnih obronaka sna
Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
bez nje se zivot kruni uzalud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud
ja znam da vreme ne voli heroje
i da je svaki hram ukaljalo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas
dvoje nije valjalo
Kad potrazim put u srediste sebe
staze bivaju tesnje i tesnje
i skrijem se u zaklon tvog uha
kao mindjusa od duple tresnje
al' uspevam da jos jednom odolim
da prosapucem da te nocas ruski volim
sto su reci, kremen sto se izlize
kad tad
Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
a bez nje ovaj kurjak menja cud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud
ja znam da vreme svemu menja boje
i da je silan sjaj pomracilo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas dvoje
nije znacilo
Ponekad jos u moj filcani sesir
spustis osmeh ko carobni cekin
i tad sam svoj
jer ma kako me zvali
ja sam samo tvoj licni harlekin
ponekad jos suza razmaze tintu
i ko domina padne zid u lavirintu
tako prosto, ponekad jos
stignemo do nas
Nedostaje mi nasa ljubav, mila
bez nje uz moje vene puze stud
nedostajes mi ti, kakva si bila
nedostajem i ja, onako lud
ja znam da vreme uvek uzme svoje
i ne znam sto bi nas postedelo
al' meni, eto, nista sem nas dvoje
nije vredelo
|
by Djordje Balasevic;
YouTube video
Friday, February 27, 2009
#
I'm in the hotel room, with three sleeping kids: Alisa, Charlie and their girlfriend Billy. I was working for two days; kids were with Billy's parents, who tonight have a free night.
It is a good opportunity to enjoy multiple things at the same time: traveling, working, being with kids, visiting friends, and having hotel breakfasts ;-)
Minor pleasures also count: this evening I had a long, foamy bath; yesterday I slept the whole night, un-interuppted; the day we arrived we visited hotel spa: dry & steam sauna, strong showers and cold foot-bath (the most interesting for kids!), and the lounge (they enjoyed that a lot, too!)
It's a long trip, six ours on the train each way, and having to change trains once. We did all right: at first I was quite nervous, but managed to relax after a while, and even enjoyed for few minutes. Ferenc was very patient with the noise and pushing, and helped a lot with the numerous luggage items.
The taxies in Hamburg have a brilliant feature: back seat transforms very easily into two raised kids chairs! That's about all of Hamburg I saw till now.
Tomorrow we will re-kindle our interrupted friendship (Klaus & B left Amsterdam 2.5 years ago; Billy and Alisa were best girlfriends and missed each other a lot; Alisa visited about 2 years ago also on my business trip; and still they get along very good). It's amazing that Alisa and Charlie accepted to stay with some (basically) strange people while their mother is working, the whole day, night, and one more day. This evening Charlie didn't even want to leave!
Sunday is a good-bye time again, and it will be sad and painful again, till the next visit...
Thursday, February 05, 2009
#
"The Mum Song" is so brilliant, I was laughing so much that I had to cry! But it is also quite sick, it's enough to make me cry anyway -- to think that this is what I hated to hear from my mother, and now I am telling it all to my children!! Is there a way out of that vicious cycle?!
Yes, there is a way to break the circle! There must be! And I am studying it, very very hard, but it goes very very slow...
The steps along the way include "Positive Psychology", NLP, "How to talk to kids", Byron Katie and "Loving What Is", how to stop being "The Emotional Hostage", "When Love is Love and Food is Food", "LEarned Optimism", "& habits of highly effective families"... Links to all these you can find yourself -- for now, just laugh - and/or cry - to the opposite:
The Mom Song Lyrics
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here’s your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget you got to feed the cat
Eat your breakfast
The experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today?
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon
So you must play
Don’t shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don’t play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don’t forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don’t sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait ’til you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe two
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an egg A, Get the door
Don’t get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get in here I’ll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a dose of reality
I don’t care who started it
You’re grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before that
You’re too old to act this way
It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straight when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don’t forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I’m the Mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
Ta-da
Link to YouTube video
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
#
Friday, January 16, 2009
#
i'm very busy with thinking about olivia,
planning "events" and things,
but .. not much time to have some calm & peace ...
i think i will postpone throwing the ashes...
maybe there will be someday some time to do this slowly, quietly...
but ...
the decision can still wait..
one whole day...
or maybe there will never be a good moment -- but so what??
it doesn't matter any more anyway!!
and why force it? why force things? why force anything??
I made a tattoo today.
Based on my own design - modified Yin-Yang symbol: in every darkness there is a light heart, and in every lightness there is a dark heart.
Painful memories of today's date one year ago, made Olivia in one more way a part of me forever.
photos
Thanks for the tattoo,
Hollywood Mark!